


Gamer Fuel

by aquabluejay



Category: Kamen Rider - All Media Types, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, Tokusatsu
Genre: Also he's a little shit, Brand Placement, Cheating, Emu get's caught out, Established Relationship, Kiriya's sense of humor, M/M, Multi, Parad has special interests, Past Tense, Plot Twists, Surprise Kissing, a bunch of memes, kind of a shitpost, meme fic, other characters appear, tako wieners for some reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:55:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23484922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquabluejay/pseuds/aquabluejay
Summary: Kiriya drops by CR and makes a nuisance of himself trying to get kisses from his boyfriend with the help of novelty lip gloss and a meme. He eventually receives a kiss but not from whom he expected...
Relationships: Houjou Emu/Kujou Kiriya, Houjou Emu/Kujou Kiriya/Parad, emu/parad
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Gamer Fuel

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Long Long Dan](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21284327) by [MarineHaddock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarineHaddock/pseuds/MarineHaddock). 



> This fic was inspired by this meme about Mountain Dew lip gloss https://i.redd.it/bhj7m2o1sig31.png
> 
> Also inspired in spirit by the fic "Long Long Dan" by MarineHaddock wherein Emu can be kind of shitty and thinks he can get away with cheating. It's not the same canon but I was ... vibing.

It had begun with a long running joke about Ex-Aid’s colors. The rider’s neon green accents were reminiscent of the signature color of the American soft drink brand "Mountain Dew". It was Nico who had originally drawn the comparison between Emu's signature rider form coloration and the beverage brand's packaging after the launch of a marketing campaign for the brand’s new “Gamer Fuel” product line.

At first it had just been part of her usual trash talk over voice chat when she and Emu occasionally competed in online play, or when she came over to play with Parad and Emu joined them for a few rounds.

But at some point, Emu had made the mistake of mentioning it to his boyfriend, and Kiriya had refused to let it go. References to the soft drink brand’s marketing slogans like “do the dew” had become a perennial joke, Emu knew he would probably never outlive, but truly didn’t mind so much. It wasn’t Emu who was to blame for the Mighty Action X color scheme, and he could stand a little gentle ribbing from his friends over something simple and inconsequential. Laughter was the best medicine after all.

Like all memes the joke had gradually evolved and mutated into all sorts of convoluted references.

The lipgloss had come much more recently. Kiriya had discovered it marketed as a novelty item in the impulse purchase section of a convenience store right beside the checkout. The display was eye-wateringly bright, advertising the Mountain Dew brand and set in deliberate proximity to a beverage cooler containing the real thing. The “limited edition” lip gloss was printed with the brand logo on the tube and boasted to have both the authentic flavor and bright yellow-green color of the original soda. Although Kiriya later discovered that the color virtually disappeared when it was applied to one’s lips.

Kiriya had added a tube to his purchase immediately.

In the week since Kiriya had bought it, the lip gloss had become its own running gag. Kiriya would offer Emu some “gamer fuel”, transfering the lipgloss from his lips to Emu’s via a kiss. He’d been using it as an excuse to steal as many kisses as possible from Emu, even when the young pediatrician was in the middle of something. It had been funny at first, cute even, and Emu had played along, indulging his boyfriend in kisses to “top up”. Actually, it was still funny, but Emu tried to remain professional at work, at least when his other coworkers were around to see it. Kiirya, of course delighted in little more so than flaunting office etiquette.

\----

Kiriya teleported into CR through the computer work station. His skills had improved greatly in the many months since he had become a bugster. He was by no means as natural at it as Poppy and Parad had been known to outright snickerer at his precarious landings. In Kiriya’s opinion, that particular landing was quite successful. He landed sitting backwards on the swivel chair at the desk and grabbed the back in time to keep from falling off. The uneven force of his arrival set it spinning. He rode it for a full rotation before planting his feet on the ground to arrest his momentum.

Despite the fact that Poppy, Hiiro, and most importantly Emu were in the office. He was hardly spared a wave and a smile in greeting. Emu and Poppy were both clearly busy and Hiiro was just unsociable like that.

But Kiriya hadn’t dropped in just to be ignored.

_ "Bro, I need some Gamer Fuel," _ he said to the room at large. His heavily accented English was further distorted by a poorly conceived attempt to imitate "dude bro" delivery he’d heard in meme videos online. Unfortunately, Emu didn’t even seem to hear him, too focused on what he was doing.

Kiriya fished in his lab coat pocket and produced a tube of violently green lip gloss with “Mountain Dew” printed on the tube which he proceeded to apply to his lips, liberally. Smacking them exaggeratedly, before putting the tube away again.

"There we go. Now we're really  _ "doing the 'Dew," _ he pronounced.

Across the room, Hiiro paused, halfway through cutting into the afternoon’s sweet.

"I know you are primarily stationed at Genm Corp. at this time... but please, don't say such unnecessary things while in a place of work,” Hiiro said icily, following it up with a glare that would have reduced any doctor on the floors above to a stuttering, apologetic mess, Director Kagami included.

Instead, Kiriya leaned forward to prop his elbows on his knees, pursed his lips and asked, “Don’t you think it’s excessive to use a knife on meringue pie, Kagami?” After all, with Emu busy, he had to entertain himself somehow.

The young doctor seated at the opposite side of the common table, Emu was finishing both his lunch and a significant stack of paperwork. His attention was decidedly more on the forms his pen was busily filling out. The last morsel from his bento hung tenuously in the left-handed hold of his chopsticks. It was a tako weiner, or rather a “Mighty weiner”, Parad’s specialty.

Since moving in with Emu, Parad had taken on the task of packing lunches for Emu to help ensure he ate more regular meals. It was an earnest and thoughtful task the Bugster had taken on of his own initiative after realizing Emu often missed meals during shifts at the hospital. Parad’s cooking skills were extremely limited and while he was learning, he was currently restricted in which appliances he was allowed to use under Emu’s house rules. They’d learned early on that Parad’s tendency to get distracted in the middle of a less engaging task was a fire hazard. Therefore, the rice cooker and the microwave were the only cooking appliances he was allowed to use without direct supervision, since both stopped cooking automatically when the timer was up.

For some reason Parad was particularly enamored with tako wieners. They were easy and quick to prepare, but Parad particularly liked making them, and included them in almost every bento he packed.

“I just think they’re neat,” he’d told Emu once, holding one in his chopsticks and jiggling it a bit to admire the way it’s little legs wiggled. Emu was just happy that there were so many types of small sausages available at the market, which meant he was at least getting some protein variety in his lunches.

Despite his delight in the classic form, Parad had begun to get a little more creative. Eventually he’d invented what he’d dubbed the “Mighty weiner”. It was like a tako weiner, except with the cut end turned up and styled as mighty spikes instead of octopus tentacles. Parad fashioned skinny little arms with mitten fists, cut from thin slices of vegetable, and poked them into the sides of the weiners. Sometimes he even added extra details to pick out Mighty’s eyes and goggles.

It was one such decorated mighty morsel that Emu still had in a tenuous hold. It slipped dangerously between his chopsticks. Luckily, before he could drop it entirely, Emu signed the final line of his paperwork, remembered the weiner and quickly ate it.

Kiriya’s eyes lit up. “All done Ace?”

Emu checked his watch as he put away his bento box, and once he registered the time, began moving faster.

“Gah! I have to be upstairs for rounds in Pediatrics in ten minutes, and I have to drop this--” he began to hurriedly gather his papers, “-- off first too.”

“Don’t forget to top up before you go.” Kiriya puckers his lips, making kissy sounds.

“Kiriya…” Emu paused for a moment and squirmed a bit behind his papers, “… Hiiro’s here.”

“So?”

“I’ve really gotta go! I’ll see you at the end of my shift”

“You know I came all the way over here from Genm Corp just to see you, and you just worked all the way through your break and didn’t even exchange witty banter with me. What does it take to get a little attention around here?”

“Who are you, Parad?” Emu huffed.

“Is Pixel Pants your boyfriend now?” Kiriya rebutted, still determently angling for that kiss.

Emu blushed, clutched his paperwork to his chest with one arm and used his free one to smack Kiriya on the arm. He finished gathering the rest of his things and turned away towards the elevator. Kiriya leaned theatrically back against the computer desk behind him.

"Damn," said Kiriya in mock rejection, and sucked his teeth. "I thought this stuff was honey to gamers. I was supposed to be irresistible!"

“No thank you,” said Hiiro, frown deepening as he deliberately turned his focus on his cake.

“Can’t even get one kiss…” Kiriya lamented as Emu continued to ignore him on the way to the elevator.

He slumped more, leaned back with the desk edge against the small of his back and most of his weight back onto his elbows on the desktop beside the workstation’s keyboard.

No one expected Parad to emerge from Emu’s retreating back in a wash of pixels. Emu had nearly made it to the stairs but Parad’s much longer stride covered the distance back almost before anyone could register his sudden appearance.

Ever since the incident with Build, and Parad having been trapped in another world for so long, the bugster has been spending vastly more time inside Emu’s body, even during the work day. It had become so commonplace it was easy to forget he was in there. Even for Emu. The feeling of Parad nestled inside Emu had become so natural that when Parad was resting contentedly, it was almost as if the two of them were really one again.

Bent backwards against the desk, and precariously balanced between his elbows and the rolling chair, Kiriya didn’t have anywhere to go, or even pull back as the tall Bugster rapidly closed in on him. Parad swooped in to claim some gamer fuel of his own. Bending down, he cupped the side of Kiriya’s face gently with one hand before sealing their lips together.

Emu had turned to look, having felt Parad exit his body, and the shift in the room. Just in time to see Parad lock lips with Kiriya. It was more than a chaste kiss, lasting several seconds as everyone froze in shock, until Parad broke off, standing up and smacking his own lips in satisfaction.

"Mmm, yeah. That's the stuff," he said and strode away. He brushed past Emu, who stood agape by the stairs, before teleporting away in a rush of pixels.

Poppy dropped the things she’d been organizing on a cart. She raised her hands to the sides of her face instead and exclaimed, “Pipa-poh wow! How unexpected…”

Kiriya slowly reaches up to touch his bottom lip.

"I guess it's working after all,” he said to himself. Then after a beat he looked over at Emu again. “Have you two been practicing?”

“Wh-What?! I ...We… No not with me,” Emu stammered, becoming even more flustered, and backing slowly towards the steps. Brushing off Emu’s denial, Kiriya pressed on. He leaned forward in his chair again.

“Is that why I walked in on you two last week? I left without saying anything and I wasn’t going to bring it up but... “

“That- that… You saw?!?” Emu squaked desperately, fumbling for the railing behind him.

“You know some men would take affront to finding their boyfriend with another man’s tongue down their throat.” Kiriya said lazily. He knew he had the upper hand and his eyes glittered darkly.

Emu was caught. He clung to the stair rail behind him with one hand, ringing it.

“I… uh...About that… I was going to tell you, I swear.”

“I think the two of you can make it up to me somehow,” Kiriya raised one eyebrow suggestively.

Emu’s mouth dropped open at Kiriya’s boldness. Poppy was watching the by-play raptly. Hiiro’s face had gone white and unreadable, at some point he’d dropped his fork but his knife was still clutched in a white knuckled grip on the table.

“Well don’t just stand there. You’re going to be late aren’t you? We’ll talk after work since it seems like Parad wants a piece of what you’ve been getting.”

Emu gulped and nodded hurriedly and made his escape down the steps, towards the elevator.

There was the sound of a throat clearing and all eyes remaining in CR turned to the main monitor. On the screen was Taiga’s frowning face. He had one hand clamped over Nicco’s mouth. Over his fingers, she looked ready to explode.

“You know what, we’ll just call back later,” said Taiga and ended the video call just as Nico tore herself free. Poppy was already pulling out her phone to text Nico furiously.  



End file.
